"I skip all helicopter maps in Bad Company 2 because they suck, unless I'm on the team with the autistic pilot who only plays heli maps"

"They are fools of the highest calibre. They did basically give Harper a majority, after all."

"man you just killed the shit out of them"

"Gah I have been trying to make sense of it in BlackBerry and just about had a stroke. It reminds me of Sam's issues with pronouns"

"Met with Sam and he showed up on time. Even God was surprised!"

"it's almost Valentine's Day again? Rats! I forgot to get a girlfriend again this year grr grr"

"I forgot about myself :s"

"Sam's going to be late for his own funeral... His hearse is going to break down or something"

"if you were to understand Sam's thinking it means you've been up for a week straight, or had a stroke"

"it's just like Sam to load up a game to tell you he can't play. it's like waking someone up to tell them it's time for bed"

"You're weird."

"The way Sam's going the only way he'll be a teacher is in a Charlie Brown cartoon :p"

"Holy hell, being that dumb takes effort."

"Wonder what they were doing instead of practicing. Coke + whores = terrible distraction I'd guess"

"Their firefighters are also really fat since they don't have hills in either province. :P"

"Typing is for suckers"

"Everytime [Sam] calls I'm driving, taking a shower or talking with someone pretty"

"At least your eye-rolling muscles will get all toned up on this job :P"

"'Porn it up a bit and it'll be hit like crazy!' :P"

"You can update your Facebook saying 'is no longer a hobo'"

"Poor fool would starve, I don't know how many other bugs get in your ear."

"Makes you wonder if some people have to consciously breathe, they're so dumb."

"I was thinking it might be convenient to have a bluetooth [headset] I could use for both the PC and the phone, but those things make you look like a tool."

"aww, but they didn't include the insignia virus :("

"I just had a customer say that I had an accent between Elvis and Bruce Campbell. I was like whaat?"

"relationships are founded on a moment of shared understanding."

"it's like you're a flower"

"I'll try. I'll probably start by skipping work."

"With a name like that, I wondered if it was a porno theatre."

"her forces are crashing against my cities like ugly guys trying to ask a hot chick out. ... I need snappier analogies"

"I think she's got a touch of Stockholm Syndrome if you ask me"

"The current Pope is so stiff, he makes the old Al Gore look like his bones are made of jelly."

"I think I've developed a Pavlovian response to King of the Hill. Whenever I hear the theme music, I sigh and roll my eyes, then look for the remote."

"the only way I'd be caught buying one is dead"

"Once again, I might find myself staring at the smooth, high wall of my own cowardice."

"I've thought for the longest time that babies dressed up in winter clothing look like Bomberman."

"When I'm old I'll probably keep in shape by endlessly shuttling between rooms looking to do something."

"I'd say it's better than 'Candice, my Sam-abusin' rarely amusin' compadre!'"

"I was a spiteful little bastard at times."

"100 years ago, a daily forecast that was reasonably accurate would have been a farmer's dream. Now hourly just doesn't cut it."

"there is sadness in life without having fellows like Sam Louis going about in Hawaiian shirts"

"It's silly that I can see it's you when there's no head."

"I'm seriously considering getting a new job. I'm selling beer, but I'm not smiling."

"Excuse nothing, I just won't lift a finger to check when it's on, lol"

"Looks like you've got the Ned-speak down! Diddly-own"

"Well, he's been defying political gravity for so long, it was bound to happen"

"I remember wanting to register mofo.com, like 8 or 9 years ago. It was already taken by a washington lobby group, Morrison and Forester. How square."

"Oh Christ, the American in that thread is real thick headed. They should harvest his skull and use it to uparmour their Hummers in Iraq."

"I like my zombies shuffling, slow and numerous."

"Sam is about as threatening as a warm glass of milk before bedtime."

"I can't bring myself to shell that much for a DVD [over $40] very often. It's better to get someone else to do it."

"What can I say, they're stupid."

"It can be harder to tell age with fat chicks."

"eek, they'd own your soul then!"

"Yeah you know how much I love paper work and standing in long lineups."

"Maybe you missed your calling as a paparazzi."

"It's odd that someone who exudes idle inertia is hard to keep in one place."

"I thought it was bad yesterday when I served a customer that ought to have rightly been wearing a urinal cake for a necklace."

"That's not going to happen. Do you know how many accidents he's been in? Besides that, he generally displays pretty poor judgement."